she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
