I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
