that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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