In the future we'll all be gay
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize