Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
