but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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