It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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