Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i came on her dog
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
