I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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