when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
