Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
