he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize