idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
