Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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