i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
