i permit you to call me
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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