Plan B is the new Plan A
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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