I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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