just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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