I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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