What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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