ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
