Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
