Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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