Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
