I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
