you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize