tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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