the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
