Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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