yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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