So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
