Your face is a jimmy john
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize