I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
