i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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