where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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