I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
