You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize