I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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