If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
