Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
