You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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