Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I want a musical about memes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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