She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize