this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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