i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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