Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
