It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
