mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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