It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize