I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize