I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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