Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
