Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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