just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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