it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize