How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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