look no pants
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
