hell yes lets make some ravioli
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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