I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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