I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
