Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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