Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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