Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
