haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so let's talk penis.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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