i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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