Is it normal to miss your booty call?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
