dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
