First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
