no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
