Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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