..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
