I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
