all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
