no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
