fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
