At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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