Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
BRING THE BAGELS
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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