Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
